I get this topic! I get this topic! I get to write abut this topic. Okay, I know that I hog the blog a lot, but this one is really for me.
Hi all, Smokey Bear the Maine Coon Cat here. My non-exercise activity that I do that I wish would keep me fit is peeing. Yep, you did read that right, peeing, urinating, taking a squatt, squirting the dirt, spending a penny, watering the trees, draining the main vien. Specifically I am writing about peeing in corners in my house. Okay, hey, I know that I said I wasn’t going to do that anymore, but there are things that you SAY you are not going to do, but you just HAVE to do, like using your hand on your boy-thing when you are a teenage boy. Am I right? Am I right? Come on! Admit it, I’m right. You SAY you are not going to do that, but you know you do, under the covers, at night, when no one is around (and by the way are you blind yet? No? Okay, then, point proven).
Well, my thing that I know I am not supposed to do, but that I do anyway, is pee on the floor. BUT, I can’t help myself. I am powerless over it. I think “I am not going to do that any more. Sande gets so mad.” Then, I am walking by a corner and it just…calls to me “SMOKEYYYYY….Coooooomme heeeerrreee Smokey.” It waves its freshly cleaned self in my direction. I go weak at the knees. My tail is a dousing rod. The tip curves, pointing the way to that seductively clean corner. Suddenly, I see it in my minds’ eye. The corner, me squatting in it, hot pee-pee rolling down my leg, splashing on the tile floor, the smell of warm urine wafting back up to my ever sensitive nose. AHHH, ouuu, my smell, my corner. Yes.
Guiltily, I look around. I zoom out of the room really fast. Then, I stop suddenly. Licking my paw with care, I consider my alternatives. None. She knows I pee’d on the floor. Even a dog could tell that! Then I think, “So what if Sande gets mad. What is she going to do? Donate my penis to a worthy cause? Sell it to the highest bidder? Send me back into my mother’s womb?” Not likely. Meanwhile, the smell wafting this way sure does my heart good. I wish I would get gym credit for that.